dudemanflab's Diaryland Diary

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From Kitten to Cat.

Hello, new diaryland....
(Someone's been drinking his milk).

I wish that I could update without having to concentrate so much. It's like coming back from Christmas break and finding out your roommate has changed the room around. Ill at ease.

Tonight I competed in the Seventh Annual Carlsbad Knowledge Bowl, a whos-who affair at the local community college. Lawyers, accountants, professors, students, and a peculiarly large group of Mormons all locked in fierce grip. As I walked in the building, two women were pouring picante and mixing Hawaiian punch and Sprite to prove it. Not the most original drink (One woman noted, "Hawaiian Punch Lite"), but I wasn't here for the spirits. I was there to win.

A woman is announcing the rules to the group. If we buzz before the answer is finished, the MC will not read the rest of the question. If the first team to buzz gets the question wrong, the second team will have 10 seconds to consider the question. Each team that buzzes will have 10 seconds. I know this! I know this! Just let us play. She caps it off with, "Now remember, we are only here for fun. No one should get their feelings hurt because it's only a game."

But is anything in a small town really "just a game"? Story short-- me, two guys from Physics, and another friend became The Turkey Bowlers, the best cockstrut name we could muster.

So my team, The Turkey Bowlers, sits near the back, snacking on the offerings.
"Hey man," says my friend, shifty but sincere, "Will you come outside with me so I don't look stupid getting more salsa?"
His eye has a look. "No, I'm Ok," I say, "don't need any more."
"Are you sure?... Well, I'm really hungry and I don't want to go alone."
I see the red veins curling at the corner. "Sounds like the munchies."

Drops his plate with a goofy smile, "How'd you know?"
"I've seen you like this before."
"Ahh.... man!"
"Did you do it right before you got here?"
"No, but I'm at the top of it right now. This is crazy man. This is crazy."

Not much time to reflect as we're called to the stand. Our first taste of the competition was The Hangers, three pre-teen kids and one indulgent father with a handlebar moustache. I recognized the man from hunter's safety, but now he wasn't quite in his element. And while the first questions were not too hard, the crowd was even easier.

"The banks of this city are said to rest near the Seine..."
"Paris?" I proffer.
"Is that a question or an answer?"

"What's wrong with this guy?" my friend asks. "Is it just me or is this guy weird? I mean, who says that?"

The Hangers, apparently still in warm up mode, cannot keep up with our lightning buzzes, and we go out to the lobby to get a cup of punch. My friend is serving himself some more chips and salsa and laughing.

"Dude, I am so hungry."
"Is this all you're eating for dinner?"
"No, I was in the McDonald's parking lot when you called."
"What'd you eat there."
"Three cheese burgers and some french fries." he says and pats his belly.
I'm imagining the peril that combining those ingredients with certain others can affect one's driving. "So how did you make it here?"
"Oh, it was tough, but I kept focusing. I did it."
"So when did you do it?" I brave.
"Oh, about 4:30. I know it seemed last round I was at the high part. Now I'm getting a focused. It's coming back to me now. We're going to win." he says so as he walks to the punch bowl.

At this point, I'm in a strange place. I'm competing at a knowledge bowl, the rural measure of civic honor and intellectual status, but in several minutes, the heat will be on. I will sit at that fold up table, wrapped in undulant linens. On one side of me sits a guy who's too blazed to even push the buzzer and on the other are two of my teammates, completely unaware, but with just as much honor on the line. I'm pulled. Being tugged in two ways. Should I tell my other teammates about my friend so we can decide together what to do, and prevent him from making a fool of us? or Should I wait it out, hoping my friend won't buzz or shout out a wrong answer, and that my other teammates won't mind in the end?

We're sitting down and I have chosen to stick by the latter, pending a disaster. "So you have a sister, right?"
"Yeah, she graduated two years ago. She got married when she was 19 and is already pregnant."

(STORY BREAK-- I've spent an hour, and must go to sleep. Maybe I'll finish this tomorrow. Nothing below except notes.)


"What animal has 1/2 the fat of chicken and 1/6 the fat of beef?
"It's Turkey, man. Turkey or Fish."
I go. "Fish"
"Absolutely incorrect."
"Your turn, what animal has 1/2 the fat of chicken and 1/6 the fat of beef?

"This miraculous transplant as the orangatang donated what organ to a human?


The Fluke
Mind Crime


"Mormons do love to marry 'em young," I joke.
"Hey, don't say anything like that again." he retorts.

"Slide number 6. This rap star was famous for criticizing George Bush, saying he did not care about black people."
I buzz. "Who is that, Nathan?"
"I don't know man. I don't know my rappers."
"uh.... P Diddy?"
"I'm sorry. That's incorrect."

"I could've told you who it was," says my friend. "You should have asked me."

11:39 p.m. - March 01, 2008

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