dudemanflab's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Didn't think I would go this long. It's been nearly a year since the last Ash Wednesday. I waxed elegaic at the time (I often wax). Ash Wednesday encourages me to reflect on my life, my priorities, much more than New Years Eve can. I wish words, or even a diary, could summarize a day of last year. It was a time of cream and honey. Now is not so bad, of course, but there was a certain sweetness to last year, to bustling through new experiences like one does through the airport. Elizabeth Bennett in Pride and Prejudice is invited by her aunt to see the northern countryside. She exclaims (and I summarize), "Yes, we will! We will see it! Though we won't be like other travelers who go to a place and mix up hills and valleys and rocks until nothing is quite clear. We will record our truest impressions along the way, so that our first inclinations in retelling the sights will be sharper than anyone else's general memories." That quote struck me with its ideal of perception. Taking thoughts captive, of a sort. Rejecting the blur of scenery of the train view in order to walk the path. Smelling the roses. et cetera. A friend asked if I thought if capturing or intentions/will to capture were wrong. Coming from photography, capturing the colors and angles around us. "No not just observing, faithful recording, but possessing solely" she clarified. "I don't know. I suppose its all in the motive. If you wanted to bar others from beauty, if by possessing you destroyed its beauty, if you wanted to reduce it for your own gain, then sure." "huh." "It just bothers me when people live to pictures of moments rather than live for more moments. Or maybe when people live for moments instead of live." Last year's Ash Wednesday service was in Mary Mags. Afterward, I split a kebab with Laura on the side of the Ashmolean, watching our bikes, and then we met Dianna, Dan, and Katy Little in the pub for Dianna's first pint. It was her 21st birthday and I believe I bought her a guiness. wow. Katy Little ordered a half pint of cider, and I drank it when she didn't like it even though she was sick. We walked our bikes home. This year, I hung out most of the day with Ross, listening to music and talking, some confession. I told him if I were Catholic I would know a priest, and then I could confess to him. But since I did not know any priests, an official confession would not be much different than speaking to air. I wanted someone who could look me in the eyes, and someone I knew. He laughed and said go ahead. Marcus Arrington and another junior high kid showed up at 4:30 and we ate at Furrs. Since I couldn't eat a full meal, I ate vegetables that Ross got, like listening to pirated music. Played at First A/g. Went to UMC for ashes. Made tomatillo salsa with Clay. Watched the Simpsons with the kellers. Busy day, but midway I felt at peace. I'm moving, but it's not anxiously. 11:40 p.m. - February 06, 2008 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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